THE CHALLENGES OF THE DATING GAME

Dating as a precursor to a long-term relationship has been part of the history of human beings since the recording thereof started in ancient times. It was a difficult subject for people throughout this period with some having endless problems and others taking to it like a fish does to water.

The basic question is why do human beings have this deep-seated, instinctive need to find a mate to develop a relationship that can be described as more than coincidental. Something that lasts for a period of time and can be described as long-term.  Most people accept the statement that there is a compulsion among humans to seek out long-term relationships.  An inner drive, emanating from the very core of our genes to find and mate and take a chance at happiness.

The fact is that we all have certain desires and life is the process of fulfilling your desires.  This predilection to fulfill our needs is expressed in five fields of activity, namely the physical, emotional, social, spiritual and intellectual. Observed from this angle our need to find a long-term partner plays a role in all five categories of activity.  It is the satisfaction of these life pursuits that drive us to pursue our dreams, by entering the field of dating a partner with all its pleasures and pitfalls. 

This article looks in all seriousness at the issues that may help you to find a suitable long-term partner with prospects of a lifetime of happiness. Although there may also be a need to deal with the distinctive trials of teenage dating this article will leave that subject for another time where the special nature of it can be properly explored.

Approaches to Dating

People have different approaches to dating, from the meek and shy to the bold and confident.  There are traditional approaches to this field and there are more modern ones.  Although this article will concentrate on the potent and robust avenue of using the Internet and its growing number of dating sites, some remarks about the general principles and the traditional approach are unavoidable.

General Principles

Every person who enters the undertaking of dating has a set of unique circumstances that applies in a unique way only to that individual. The combination of your own values, your personality, and your experiences places you in an exclusive position when looking for a partner.  Many people are highly vulnerable as result of upbringing and past history.  You may have tasted the benefits of a long-term relationship, used to the comfort and security of someone always being there for you. The emotions which you knew as a teenager may come flooding back. Uncertain and filled with doubts, the physical fear of recreating your past exposure may lead you to procrastinate rather than take action.

For any appointment with a potential partner, there are 3 basic requirements to convert the occasion to a more permanent arrangement over time.

1. There should be mutual physical attraction.Vibes must be exchanged and felt.Like a dog waiting for his food, civilized and controlled drooling may be felt although not exhibited. The chemistry between two people is unmistakable and you will be aware of its presence.
2. You have to discover each other on the level of your inner convictions with similar values and beliefs. This is the level of your souls and finding a soul mate in the absence of these aspects, showing a large measure of compatibility, will be difficult.
3. Lastly you will have to find each other on a practical level.Interests, preferences, and dislikes, to name but a few cannot be so diverse that compatibility is compromised. Personality and strength of character must show the ability to deal with divergence on the practical level.

Under all circumstances, it may be helpful to make sure that you are prepared to enter the search for a long-term relationship and what precisely your objectives are.  If your intentions with dating are not aimed at a lasting affair your approach may be entirely different, more relaxed.  There is no problem with just dating for the pure delight of enjoying the company of others. If, however, the idea of going out on a date is perceived as revolting, then clearly you are not yet ready to attempt this route.  Leave it for a while until the urge becomes strong and irresistible.

Even if you are apprehensive or experience fear or anxiety, you may rest assured that those feelings are normal and almost all people experience them. Press through with your intention.  Take it slow and easy.  Inform people that you have trust in, that you are available. Accept invitations to parties.  You can never meet a partner cooped up at home. You will not meet anybody interesting in the empty passages and rooms of your house.

Avoid negative thoughts.  If your rationalization turns around the idea that all females are after money or that all men are ill-mannered buffoons, you are probably inviting those situations right into your life.  Move to the positive and expect the best.  You will be pleasantly surprised. Consider your date as an adventure, part of your own growth process. If your intention is to settle down dating may be a skill that you are required to learn and apply.

Your decision to return to the dating scene does not constitute your intention. Write down exactly what it is that you want. Are you looking for marriage material or a life partner, a short liaison with the possibility of something more later? Be aware what you are proceeding to achieve as this will also guide you in the direction of how you should meet people.

Play around by dating a number of partners when you start the process.  Don't pin your hopes on a single individual. This enables you to make comparisons.  Establish what you like in a potential partner whether it be humor, intellect or attitude.  The choices are yours. You steer the process. 

Traditional Approach

If your preference is to avoid making use of dating sites on the Internet, the more traditional approach will be your natural choice. What was said about being available and visible before, is even more applicable in this instance.  You have to move among people to be noticed and observed. Places of employment, visits with friend, and participations in the activities of sports clubs, churches, and community organizations are all recommended.  A visit with friends to a local bar is another place to be considered.  Use your imagination and just do it.

Internet Dating

The Internet and its accompanying opportunities to become involved in relationships provide you with wonderful breaks.  Today there are many successful marriages produced by Internet dating sites.  Despite the warnings about the dangers of Internet dating, and the disdain of some people towards this route as a means to fulfill your needs, Internet dating today is mainstream and cool.  The organizations running these sites have gone beyond the initial emphasis on physical attraction. At present, they are increasingly matching people in terms of relevant criteria like values, personality, and interests. As an option for a viable long-term relationship, they are serving the public in an increasingly advanced fashion. I consider this as an option that reflects the reality of our times, far more realistically than the hope of meeting a prospective partner in some romantic coffee shop.  

We are all aware of the dangers of meeting new people on the internet.  Be careful and manage your rendezvous to ensure that your safety enjoys priority.  For this reason, your first meeting should be in a public place with plenty of people moving around. You will clearly not accept an invitation to go to the private residence of a new date on the first occasion nor even the first couple of dates.  Tell a friend or family member where you will be going, what you will be doing and when you can be expected back.  Any personal information that you may have regarding your new friend e.g. telephone number, should be shared with one or more persons of your preference.

In support of the views regarding safety, it is recommended that online visits should not be extended unnecessarily.  When you carry on visiting online for a long time, besides the possible fraudulent information that may be provided to you, you start building up a fantasy around this person that you think you know. Rather follow the first contact up with a personal meeting soon, so that you can see in practical terms whether the Internet attraction can be transformed into reality.

Conclusion

The decision to seek an alliance with a long-term partner is a numbers game.  A high percentage of potential partners will disappear off the radar after the first or second date. When participating in dating accept this as inevitable.  You will probably never know what the reasons are for the disappearance of people that escort you on a date. Do not be concerned and do not assume that it reflects on you personally.  The more you date the higher the probability that you will strike gold and find the person of your dreams. We live in modern times and the role that females can play in pursuing a partner is now far more liberated than it ever was.